you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize