Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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