When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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