i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
