I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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