pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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