these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
