I want to have your abortion
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
