it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
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