my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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