God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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