Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
