South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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