im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
