Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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