Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
