I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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