his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Olympian is in my bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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