I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
