You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
