woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Everclear isn't food dammit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
