brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
