They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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