We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
