I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
