listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
