I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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