I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
