Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
