oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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