You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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