My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize