no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
