my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
