he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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