Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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