You smell like stripper and shame
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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