I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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