shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
