Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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