My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
