The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
