help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They are going to name an STD after you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
