paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i believe in u and ur pee
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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