All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
