my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
