the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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