I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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