I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
