im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
