so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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