It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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