she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
