I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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