If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
