It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
