I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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