im drinking this country out of the recession.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
