not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
