The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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