remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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