4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
