so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
